I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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