I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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