am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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