I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
