Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
