Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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