I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
