I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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