You just made me feel so damn special
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
