respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
