Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
