she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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