He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
