I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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