If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
