i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
