i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
