Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
