I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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