She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
