How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
