how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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