I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
