Barsexuality is the new black.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
