eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
