i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
