The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
