Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
