Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
