It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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