There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
