Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
