I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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