i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
