Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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