Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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