video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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