The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
