Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
