You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
