Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
