I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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