I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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