Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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