RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
