im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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