Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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