I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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