exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
