it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
As shirtless as possible
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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