We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
