i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i came on her dog
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
