you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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