omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's on the porch naked. Help.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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